When Nothing is Happening

By the time I turn 30 I will...

...lose all the weight

...write my book

...have a job I love

Through my twenties I had given myself this seemingly far off deadline. I just figured that by the time I turned 30 I would have accomplished at least one of these things. But I haven't.

And to be honest the fact that I didn't has taken away a lot of my naive optimism. No matter how hard anyone said it would be to lose weight, to write a book, to find a great job. I just always believed I would. I believed I would find the discipline it takes to make these goals realities.

I'm not saying I've given up. But the first half of 2019 has not been filled with much effort.

I have applied for a few different jobs. I even interviewed for one. No dice so far.

I've gone days, even a week or two at a time of going to the gym a a few days a week. Avoiding soda and carbs. Eating right or at least better than usual. Then I have a bad day and lay on the couch, watch TV all day and scarf down some fast food.

I haven't been writing. Like at all.

I don't want to post this update because frankly who would? No one wants to highlight the fact that they aren't making good progress on what they want to be doing. But that's the point isn't it? We all post the nice selfies, the good news updates, the this amazing life event is happening status. We show the good stuff.

So that's why I'm posting. Because it's okay to post when things aren't the best they could be. I still want these things. I'm not giving up on these things. I just haven't been doing great at these things.

On a last random note, if you haven't listened to Pink's It Hurts 2B Human album I strongly recommend it. She gets it.

80 Days

Today is the 80 day count down to my 30th birthday.

Which means I have 80 days to keep my promise to myself.

In 80 days my rough draft for my first book will be complete.

In terms of numbers (because that's what I live by) that is roughly 4.375 pages a day (Assuming a 350 page book).

Totally doable.

I have made this promise to myself year after year. Excuse after excuse, self doubt after crippling self doubt.

Obviously, I could write it after I turn 30. And I will be writing after I turn 30. But for me in, in my mind, it's a now or never kind of thing.

When I turned 29 I made a huge list of things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 30. I have even accomplished some of them. But none of them matter. Not like this one thing that I've always wanted to do.

80 days, Jen. And Go!